• Sunshine and Unicorns
  • Sunshine and Unicorns
  • Sunshine and Unicorns
  • Sunshine and Unicorns
  • Sunshine and Unicorns
sunshine & unicorns: a blog about love, learning, and life in the upper midwest

10 March 2009

the (non)wedding

A few people suggested that they'd like to hear about the (non)wedding details. I'm going to kick it off with the biggest decision of all. In this post, you get to find out why we aren't having a wedding.

Bf and I discussed marriage and wedding immensely in the weeks before and after the proposal. We found that we really had three options for how to celebrate our day:

1 - Go All Out
Cost: 15k+
Date: early Summer 2010
Location: Rented venues in our town/region
Guests: 70-110
Details: All of them, baby, yeah!

2 - Budget Country/Picnic Wedding
Cost: 3-5k
Date: early Summer 2010
Location: Bf's family's nearby rural property
Guests: 70-110
Details: Budget/DIY everything. Potluck buffet, hamburgers and hot dogs grilled by uncles and cousins, grocery store cake, cans of beer and $6 wines.

3 - City Hall
Cost: <$1000
Date: Fall/Winter 2009
Location: local/regional city hall, plus dinner somewhere close.
Guests: Parents only
Details: Classy dress and shoes for me, nice suit for him, flowers and maybe a little cake from the grocery store.

Option one was vetoed pretty much immediately. We're paying for this, and that kind of money doesn't just magically appear in one's bank account. We have worked damn hard for our money, and a wedding just isn't a big enough priority for us to spend it on.

Option 2 and 3 were tossed around for a while. We didn't really want a wedding, but we also didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them. The idea of a big party with friends and family sounded fun, but an intimate elopement sounded much more romantic, more comfortable, and more 'us'. And given the very skewed guest-totals for Bf's family versus mine, we felt that Option 2 would look like a Bf Family Reunion more than a wedding/reception. We finally decided to ask our parents what they thought. Both of our sets of parents were married in their local court houses with minimal amounts of guests. They were supportive of our desire to do the same. Option three also allowed us to get married sooner, which was important to us, since we're looking to purchase a home together and home-buying is easier when you're hitched. (We did not want to have a big wedding in the middle of a school semester, so Option 1 and 2 would have had to be pushed off 'till next summer.)

So, Option 3 it was. The hardest part of all of this was deciding who to invite. Our parents, of course, would come. Mine live far away, but they definitely wanted to attend, even for just a tiny affair. Bf's live close. So with Bf's brothers, that's 6 guests. Perfect. But what about grandparents? Bf's only live a few miles away. But if they were invited, we'd have to invite mine, who are spread across the country. And both of my sets live near aunts and uncles and cousins, who would also find out, and would hence need to be invited to avoid hurt feelings. And if my aunts, uncles, and cousins were coming, then so should Bf's, and he has a lot more of them. Where could we draw the line? Suddenly we've ballooned from 6 guests to over 40. Some intimate elopement. We ultimately decided to put our collective foot down. Just parents and siblings.

Bf's family will probably throw some kind of party for us, and we plan to visit friends on the west coast as well as my family around the country, all at later dates. These occasions/trips will allow us to have fun with our friends and family without forcing them all to come to BFE for 4-6 hours of expensive and mostly distracted/non-quality time with us.

Having made the decision not to have a wedding, why am I blogging about it? Well, I hope that my process can help out some brides out there who are on the fence about elopement, traditions, and civil ceremonies. I haven't found very many message threads or blogs on the subject. I want to show you [the internet] that a city hall wedding does not have to mean jeans and flip-flops, a surly judge, or a bun-in-the-oven (but it CAN! that's the beauty of it - it CAN be anything you want!) I hope that ours will be classy, personal, and simple. Join me as I search for the perfect dress, deal with naysayers, will my hair to grow faster, design our wedding announcements and work with Bf to plan the perfect honeymoon.