I'm writing this post after sitting on the couch clicking back and forth between Facebook, Twitter, one Gmail, my other Gmail, and my work e-mail account aimlessly for 20 or so minutes.
Now, what do you think about that? Here's what I would think:
"You're so busy, Pink Heli, how can you possibly be just blatently wasting time like that?"
Well, the fact is this: I don't really have anything I can do right at this second. I've been working my butt off all week trying to make decent headway in my courses. I am buried in school shit this term, honestly. I took more classes than I normally take, and I am feelin' it big-time. But while I do have a decent list of long-term assignments to juggle, there is nothing I have that I can really just work on for a few minutes before bed tonight.
I do still have plenty of things I could do though. I could...
- Vacuum. The cat is shedding and the rugs are covered with hair as a result.
- Lint-roll the furniture (for the same reason).
- Put in a load of laundry. I'm well aware that the hamper is full.
- Pick out some wedding photos to print for our empty picture frames.
Why not do those things? First off, my husband's sitting about 5 feet away from me studying for a test. That's why I don't vacuum. It's a wee bit loud and distracting! (I also recognize that it's after midnight, but we own our house, so I wouldn't worry about noise for the neighbors. And yes -- by the way -- I have had apartment neighbors that vacuumed in the middle of the night. Arggh.) Not to mention the amount of dust and dirt it kicks up. HEPA filter my ass. Vacuuming's a dirty job. Nobody wants that in their nostrils, especially when they're already in their jammies and just trying to get in some chapter review time before hitting the hay. And I don't really see the point of lint-rolling the furniture unless I have already vacuumed. Most of the hair and fuzz gets on the furniture by traveling from our floor, via our socks (or the cat).
The laundry, well it's midnight, for christsakes. I could put it in the washer, but then it's gonna be sitting there all wet until probably Saturday morning when I remember it's there and put it in the dryer. So I don't really see the point of starting the washer.
The pictures? This is kind of a cop-out I guess, but I do feel that I'm a little too tired to competently pick out photos right now. I'd probably order three of the same one, or get them in all the wrong sizes, or simply pick out some I normally wouldn't have chosen (which would be a waste of money).
This is kind of a rambling post, and I realize that. But my point is this. I can tell you about my crazy-ass busy schedule. But then I can spend a half hour clicking around between my various social media accounts, looking for something to entertain me. (And then, I can spend another 15 minutes trying to blog about that phenomenon!) Being busy is a fact for me, but it's also a state of mind.
I can not be constantly busy. I can, however, have a constant and looming to-do list. There is simply not a direct flow from finishing one item to starting the next. I make my choices. I have been working on allowing myself to say "I have done enough today" (if the consequences won't negatively affect me or anyone else tomorrow). I realize that even though things need to get done (or I want to get them done), they cannot all be done right now. Some things (like the vacuuming at midnight when someone else is trying to study) are just not appropriate at certain times. It frustrates me to "waste time" when there are things to be accomplished. But I have been trying to force myself to 1) push myself when I need to be pushed and 2) limit myself when I need to be limited.
It's a hard line to walk. I swear to God, I'm one part work-aholic, one part procrastinator, one part 'type A' perfectionist and one part "beer me!". I'm surprised I'm not vacuuming the rugs while reading a chapter of "Constructing Grounded Theory: A Practical Guide through Qualitative Analysis" and simultaneously cooking a roast or something and drinking long island iced tea mixer from its big plastic jug. (I'm only doing one of those things right now, and it sure as hell ain't one of the productive ones.) I guess the procrastinator in me can be pretty persuasive.